Savior
by angel2goddess
Summary: Jackie and Hyde have an in-depth conversation, one in which Jackie reveals her innermost feelings... Please excuse the summary, not too good with them! Readers, beware, this story is going to have an interesting twist at the end!


She flew by him, never even noticing that he was there. He stood there, his hands pushed into his pockets, sunglasses on, covering the eyes that stared straight at her. He saw her tears, and shuffled in place a little, before deciding to stand next to a tree, about a meter from her. He saw her throw herself onto a park bench, the tears still flowing down her cheeks, hollowed out by age, partying and booze. He sighed as he knew that she would most likely spill her heart out to him, once more. Again he'd have to pick up the pieces of her life, like he had been since the time that she found out that Kelso was cheating on her. He sighed again, and decided to sit against the tree, pulling his glasses off so that he could look better at her. He heard her sobs start to subside slightly, and she picked herself up a little. She sniffled, drawing the back of her hand across her eyes, smearing her mascara even more.

_It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten  
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them  
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping  
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten_

"It's just not fair. Why does life have to be such a bitch? Am I that much of a bitch that karma is deciding to kick me in the ass this hard? Isn't seven years of pain enough?" She sniffled again, and he felt like putting his arm around her to comfort her, but decided against it, knowing that she would continue. She sniffled once more, then said,

"I just don't get it anymore. Nothing makes sense to me, not anymore. It hasn't for a long time actually. Not since Chicago or any day after that." _That makes two of us_, he thought to himself.

"It's just, I don't know, I keep finding these guys, Steven, and if I ever thought that you were an ass, you are nothing compared to these guys. They're such _assholes_, Steven. I just don't understand anymore." Her voice dropped, and when she spoke again, it was in a whisper.

"I still can't believe that I was stupid enough to let you go. I told you that I was okay without you, and I lied. I'm not okay without you, Steven. I'm lost without you, and I am a huge disappointment to everyone, but most of all to myself and to you." _I know the feeling_, he thought to himself.

_There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place  
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds  
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you  
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear_

"Why is it that I can't find a normal guy anymore, Steven? After you, all the guys seem to blend one into the other, never really changing. I mean, the faces are all different, but the personalities are almost all alike." She smiled to herself, before throwing her head back, and said,

"I guess I just was lying to myself all this time, trying to tell myself that I love all these guys, even though they treat me so horribly. I guess I was just trying to prove to myself that I didn't need you, Steven."

_  
So tell me now  
If this ain't love then how do we get out?  
Because I don't know_

She sat further back on the park bench, and he shifted slightly on the grass, making himself more comfortable. It looked like this would be another long talk.

"Steven, I know that the last time I saw you I said that I hated you and that I never wanted to talk to you again, but I have to say, I lied." _I know_, he thought to himself. She sighed, before she said, her voice slightly wobbly,

"I never hated you Steven, ever. How could I have hated the other half of myself? I wanted to make you a better person, and in the end all I did was make you so much worse." Her voice cracked at the end, and he heard her start crying again. He sighed, and intertwined his hands. _No, you didn't, you did make me a better person_, he thought to himself.

_  
That's when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have_

"I know now that I was a fool to press you so hard to marry me, Steven. I think that, if I had just left it alone, you would have done it on your own. I just had so many deep insecurities, and I don't think that you were any more ready than I was at that time to make that commitment, no matter how many times I told myself that I _was_ ready," she said, her voice infinitely soft. Her tears were falling fast and hard again, straight onto the Led Zeppelin t-shirt that she was wearing, the one he gave her so many years ago.

_But the day pressed on like crushing weights  
For no man does it ever wait  
Like memories of dying days  
That deafen us like hurricanes_

"I just wanted to be with you so bad, I wanted to be sure that I wouldn't be alone, that _you_ wouldn't be alone anymore that I think I lost my head. I think that we both kinda lost our heads then, and it has killed me inside every day since, Steven," she said, her voice becoming more and more high-pitched. If she didn't slow down, she would start to hyperventilate and then what would he do? He sighed once more; how could he make her believe that she made him a better person, and that she was right to demand of him to make some form of higher commitment with her. Hell, if he could go back in time, he would make that choice. But he couldn't, no matter how badly he wanted to. He shifted on the ground once more, scooting a little closer to her. He wanted to reach a hand out to her, to hold her little hand in his again and to tell her that everything would be okay; but he couldn't, he was frozen where he was.

_  
Bathed in flames we held the brand  
Uncurled the fingers in your hand  
Pressed into the flesh like sand  
Now do you understand?_

"God, Steven, I just wanted to be with you, forever. I was such a silly little girl, and I think we both hurt each other past the point of redemption afterwards, though God knows that I didn't want it to be like that. I'm so sorry, Steven, for disappointing you." _You never disappointed me, Jackie, I did that to myself_, he thought to himself.

_So tell me now  
If this ain't love then how do we get out?  
Because I don't know  
That's when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have_

She sighed, trying to calm herself down. It wasn't the first time that she had sat on a park bench and talked to him like this, and it was usually after she had been in a huge fight with the boyfriend that she was with at the time. It made her feel better, stronger, to talk to him like this. It had been a while since she had last talked to him, and she knew that her life seemed to go better when she talked to him more often. Her questions had finally been answered, all the questions that she had ever had regarding life. She knew now that Steven had been the best that she had ever had, and the real love of her life. She cried harder because of that.

_1000 miles away  
There's nothing left to say  
But so much left that I don't know_

Steven bowed his head; he knew what she was thinking, because he thought the same thing every single day. He wished that he could reach out to touch her, to wipe her tears away, but he knew that he couldn't, because he had lost that right so many years ago. They may as well have been on two different sides of the ocean, for all that they were sitting right next to each other, and yet neither one of them could touch the other.

_  
We never had a choice  
This world is too much noise  
It takes me under  
It takes me under once again  
I don't hate you  
I don't hate you_

She lifted her head up slightly, wiping off the tears, though he knew that it was no good; she was a big ball of emotions every time that she talked to him, and he couldn't blame her. Hell, he had more emotions than he ever thought that he would now, and every single time that he talked to her. He looked back to her, knowing that she would probably start talking again soon, and she did.

"Steven, I just feel like, everything and everyone conspired against us. I guess at the time it was just too much for the both of us to handle, not to mention the fact that you and I are both stubborn asses and always want only our way." She chuckled a little, and he had to smile; damn the woman, she was always right.

"I just, I don't know, I wanted everything, us, to be perfect, and for a while we were, but it was like everyone was always attacking us for being us, for being together. Eventually, it just grinds you down. I think that's what ended up happening to us, more than anything; the world and its stupid fucking expectations ground us down." She dropped her head again, putting a thin hand out to pick some invisible lint off of her faded, torn jeans. He looked at her, scrutinizing her and what she had become. She was wearing the t-shirt he had given her years ago for her birthday, a pair of faded and torn jeans, and a pair of biker boots. This was not the Jackie that he remembered; the one he remembered would never, ever touch this kind of clothing and would never cut her hair so severely straight. Her hair was still the same raven color he remembered, but now with blue and purple streaks running through it, and straight as an arrow. He smiled a little, the knowledge that she was now a punk rocker making him smile and feel sad all at the same time.

"Steven, I am so tired of living this kind of life, I really am. Sometimes, I just happen to think of ending it all, just a few moments of pain and then it would be done. It's not like anyone would really even miss me, I think. Would they? I don't think so, seeing as I don't really have any friends. I haven't talked to Donna and Eric in about five years, Michael and Brooke moved to New York, and Fez I haven't even seen in about four years. I think the only people who I even talk to from Point Place are Red, Kitty and you." She broke down again, a hand coming up to cover her mouth as she cried.

_So tell me now  
If this ain't love then how do we get out?  
Because I don't know  
That's when she said I don't hate you boy  
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save  
That's when I told her I love you girl  
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have_

He stood up, feeling nothing but the chill in his heart from her words. He couldn't let her fall apart; he _wouldn't _let her fall completely apart, she wasn't his Jackie then. His Jackie was a hard-ass bitch who didn't let anyone stomp all over her, who didn't let anyone take the mickey out of her like that. The Jackie that he knew would never, ever let that happen. This girl, though he liked the way she dressed and the music that she listened to nowadays, was nowhere near his Jackie. He stood there for a few more seconds, before he decided to approach her. He sat next to her on the bench, and hunched over, interlacing his fingers. He brought his head closer to her ear, and whispered,

"Jackie, you need to stop being such a whiny baby and become more of the badass that I knew so many years ago. Come on, doll, you are so much better than you give yourself credit for. You are one of the most beautiful and amazing people that I have ever met in my life, and for too long you have let idiots stomp all over you. You need to wake up, doll, dump this asshole, and get your life in order." He sat back, watching her for any reaction. She sighed once, her voice cracking at the end with a sob, before she looked up slightly. He saw her mouth harden, the lips becoming nothing but a thin line, before she said,

"Thank you, Steven. You're still giving me good advice, even though it's been five years since I've seen your face. I miss you every day, and I hope you finally found some peace." She stood up then and walked off, never even acknowledging him. He shook his head, before he said,

"I miss you too, doll, every day. I'll be here for you, always." But Steven Hyde, though he was always there for her, could no longer help Jackie Burkhart; Steven Hyde was dead. The only thing he could do now was to watch over her, to whisper advice into her ear that he didn't even know if she heard half of the time, and to be with her in her dreams. And she dreamed of him every night.

_I don't hate you  
I don't hate you, no_

**A/N: And that was my rendition of Jackie and Hyde, set to Rise Against's song "Savior"! I hope you all enjoyed, and please review, I could always use the feedback! But please, if you are going to be critical, which I do encourage because otherwise how would I improve my writing, no flames please!  
**


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